Canadiana: Ontario vs. Alberta, eh!
By Karyn | June 18, 2008
I was recently asked what the differences between Ontario and Alberta are, seeing as how they’re on nearly opposite ends of Canada. I lived in Ontario all my life, but moved to Alberta a year and a half ago. So… here’s my list:
1. My first month here, I asked someone what that beautiful exotic bird is, the one with black feathers, a stark white chest, and irredescent blue wings. The person’s smile dropped and said “you’re not from around here are you?” LOL! Apparantly, people here detest the magpie. I think it’s beautiful. But I’ve been told to keep those comments to myself if I know what is good for me! ROFL!!!
2. The transit system (subways) work on the… get this… the honour system! Yesiree… the good ol’ honour system. Now, all my friends from Toronto are just dying laughing! There is no way that system would ever work in Toronto! Ever!
3. The weather: changes every 5 minutes. In fact, there is a saying that goes something like “don’t like Alberta’s weather? Wait 5 minutes.” True. This spring we saw -16 to +20 all within a 3 or 4 hour span. It can snow any month of the year. Although it is frequently -45 degrees celsius in the winter (how on earth do you spell celsius???) it never feels that cold. The air is dry here, so -30 only feels like Ontario’s - 5. Same for the summer. Nobody has air conditioners here. It could be 30 degrees, but again, it’s dry so it is quite comfortable to wear long pants and a tee. Not like Toronto’s smog days, and sauna-like humidity where you can’t breathe. Big difference in air quality. In Toronto, you can DIE on a hot day without an air conditioner. Here, people look at you funny when you house shop and ask if it has central air! LOL!
4. Altitude. We’re higher here. High efficiency furnaces will only work at 70-80% max. efficiency. Water boils at a cooler temperature. And get this: children’s sippy cups leak like crazy here! It took me a while to figure out, but it’s kinda like having a juice box on a plane: the altitude just sucks the air out of the container, making the juice crawl up the straw at alarming rates. Ya. Ditto for here. You should see the stains on my carpet and sofa! Thank God for steam cleaners!
5. Hair: Awesome hair here! Not in Ontario. Again, due to humidity. Skin: ohmygoodness you need a LOT of moisturizer here! It took me almost a year for my skin to get used to this dryness. Not good for psoriasis!
6. People: Picture how Toronto was in the 50’s. That’s generally what it’s like here. Generally, people still respect people. People will help you and call 911 to do so. Toronto: for-get-it! Even teenage punks are still polite and hold doors open and say thank-you and generally show respect for people and things. I am not at all afraid that someone will pull a knife or gun on me just for the sake of doing it. Of course, the people factor also flip-flops because all my wonderful family and friends are in Ontario… and I do miss them all. I miss the option of just driving to their house. I miss the security in knowing that if an emergency happened, there were people I knew well that I could count on. I miss getting together with people, and it just tears me up that I can’t find the time to see everyone when we’re there.
7. Playgrounds: They ROCK here! Totally better than any plaground Ontario has!
8. Streets: whoever created Edmonton & Calgary’s street names is either a genius or a psychopath. Probably the former. Streets run North and South, while Avenues run East and West. They are both arranged in numerical order. In addition, the “house number” consists of the closest interstectig street or avenue. Try to follow this, it is cool: a sample address is 10413 62nd Avenue. So let’s see… it’s an Avenue, so it runs East/West, and because it’s 62nd then I generally know where it is. BUT… 62nd ave runs ALL the way from the outermost East of the city, to the outermost West of the City. Also, it is NOT a contiuous grid: you cannot drive on any street or ave from one side to the other, there are dead ends, rivers, etc. SO…. you look at the house number: 10413: here you have the closest intersection: 104th street, and 10413 is the 13th house on 62nd Avenue, nearest to 104 street. Sounds brilliant, doesn’t it? Well it is! Unless you’re a Karyn and are allergic to numbers and directionally challenged to boot…
9. Chocolate & Fancy Coffee: OK, so there’s 2 fancy chocolate shops and they’re both not that great. Not for what they charge anyhow. I miss Ontario’s Laura Secord. And coffee! BOY do people like their coffee here! Nobody bats and eye at a $6 grande mocha every single day! There are so many specialty coffee shops here it isn’t funny. For every Tim Horton’s, there’s a handful of competition within walking distance: Starbucks, Second Cup, Timothy’s, et al. It’s completely insane! But boy, those Vanilla Bean Latte’s sure are divine….
10. And lastly, the biggest difference between here and there, are the schools. The way they run, the programs they offer, the support for special needs children… the schools alone were worth the move. My son now has the individual attention he deserves at school, and I don’t have to fight for it every year like I did in Ontario. The fact that they pay you to homeschool is a nice bonus too. My daughter is so happy to be homeschooled now, and the support available to us via homeschool groups is bar none. Anyone worried about a homeschooler’s social skills ought to see these groups in action! We’re so busy it’s hard to stay home and get school work done! And that is a good thing! Living learning!
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Survivor Bootcamp Day #8 (and no more fluff! I’m SHAKIN’!)
By Karyn | June 4, 2008
2.5 weeks into it. Wow. I may just survive. Day #7 was this past Monday, and towards the last minutes of the drills and cool-down stretches, the whole group was commenting how energized they felt. It was the strangest thing, this stuff actually felt good, and it didn’t hurt so bad. I could breathe better and was generally feeling better.
Today I did not do the run. My hip hurts and it’s too much impact for an overweight person’s joints. Soon though, soon I will be able to do the run. If I gave it my all, I could do about 1/3 of the run, then I’m huffing and puffing and my legs for some reason begin to feel like thick, cement pillars that don’t bend. Onward and upward, I say!
One neato thing I’ve discovered is Protein shakes. The general population thinks all those supplements are garbage and just don’t want to hear about it. For the most part, they’re right LOL… but my bootcamp instructor challenged me to research protein shakes. I did, and what I realized is that protein shakes were my “missing link” to losing weight.
Years ago I read WHY drinking water causes you to lose weight, and it really made sense to me for the first time. Of course it gets rid of toxins, is great for skin, gives you a full feeling, yadda yadda… but I didn’t realize that drinking water enabled your liver to burn more fat. See, if our kidneys don’t have enough water, then our kidneys don’t function properly. When our kidneys don’t function properly, they send a message to the liver. They text the liver and say “hey, I need help here” and so the liver drops the fat burning and starts doing the macarana with the kidneys and instead of burning fat. The fat then, gets stored on our butt, our tummy, anywhere it wants to really. But if you drink plenty of water, your kidneys do their own job alone, freeing the liver to metabolize fat! Whoohoo! Anyhow, protein shakes are kinda like that, same kind of logic. When you use muscles in a work out, they have a recovery time. Protein speeds the muscle recovery, and we all know that muscle burns fat! So if your muscles are busy healing themselves, they aren’t working very efficiently at burning fat. Help out the healing process and you get maximum fat burning potential. Again, whoohoo!
For once, this totally makes sense to me. This is stuff that athletes know. This is stuff that I use to call fluff. But I’m starting to realize that our bodies are indeed amazing machines, and there are ways to help care for them if only we take the time to get to understand them. All this, from a self-professed fluff-caller-turned-protein-shaker-upper. And my oh my, those chocolate protein powders are DIVINE blended with peanut butter, skim milk and ice. Oooo la la! Shake it up baby!
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Whooo Hooo!
By Karyn | May 27, 2008
I got it! Happy late Mother’s Day to me! One of the neatest GPS gadgets, Garmin, made a few special ones just for Mom’s Day, and then they went on SALE!!! Whoo hooo $50-$100 off (depending where ya look!)
and get this… it’s pink! I love it and I’m never gonna get lost again!
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Survivor Bootcamp
By Karyn | May 21, 2008
Day #2. Wow. I want to die.
Every muscle I have (and then some additional new ones that I didn’t have before) is feeling it. I signed up for 6 weeks of this torture, on a part time basis. You’d think part-time would be easy. HA! Part time is Mon, Wed, Fri mornings at 5:45am for one hour of kick-butt, sweaty-brow, heart-pounding, butt-throbbing torture. My 1km run time? 12 minutes twenty seconds. The slowest in the class of 40… well okay, I couldn’t run it, I walked fast. I was huffing and puffing and contemplated jumping over a bridge just to taste the cold water. Alas, at the end of the 6 weeks I will be the one who improves the most. I’ve got the biggest butt potential for improvement. IF I survive that is.
What will I do at the end of the 6 weeks? Well, that’s easy. I’m eating ice-cream and cake! LOL! Just kidding. I actually signed up for a 4 week Survivor Bootcamp FULL TIME! That’s every morning, MON-FRI.
I figure by the time I go to Greece I could wear a bathingsuit.
Maybe.
We’ll see.
Perhaps.
If I survive.
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A New Birth… well, 3 to be exact!
By Karyn | May 18, 2008
Hours after I entered the prior post, I heard Sweetpea’s shrieks as she discovered one beautiful Painted Lady in her butterfly flight house (aka: inverted mesh laundry hamper) and 2 more have emerged since. This leaves 2 yet to come out, one that looks sooo ready, you can see the amazing wing pattern through the chrysalis, and the other who is.. um… gee, he does not look too good. In his “former life” Sweetpea named him “Climby”… well, wonder of wonders, he remained the only one who didn’t climb-y up to pupate in traditional hanging stance. Instead, being the rebel he is, Climby sort of half burrowed into his food mush and squished his butt against the side of the container as if to say “yooo hoo, see this here? mwaaah” He formed a boomerang shape, half submerged in his mush, and I couldn’t help think that we’d all had days like that. Days where we just wanna dig down and hide. We hope and pray we can skip through a metamorphosis. I also giggled at the poor little thing, and then I pitied him… then, of course, I giggled again. I wonder what he was thinking… I wonder what he felt. I know that caterpillars have this God-given instinct to climb up and hang (or create their cocoon) but what is the little thing thinking? Ugh, I feel too solid, think I’ll turn into liquid for a week… or gee, I’m getting sleepy, let’s just play possum and see what happens. If that’s what a normal caterpillar might think, then Climby must’ve thought something like oh crap this sucks… can’t feel my 6th leg… *kick stretch shudder* what the heck is happening to me? *twitch twitch* ughhh crazy lady will you just GO AWAY! Stop watching me! That’s it, I’m leaving, I’m…. *digging down* outta…. here…. *yawn*…
Come on Climby, it’s time to climb outta your weird chrysalis! Wonder if we should call this butterfly “Boomerang”…
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Waiting for the Painted Lady
By Karyn | May 16, 2008
It seems like it’s been forever… but it’s only been 2 weeks… our caterpillars are all snug in their chrysalliseses cocoony-tombs. We gave 10 to 5 of Sweetpea’s homeschool friends and we kept 6. One unlucky creepy crawly never made it, so now we have 5. We just heard from one family that this morning one of their Painted Lady’s emerged! She’s still standing on the floor letting her wings unfurl, but they sound so excited… it makes us more anxious to see ours emerge! This mom said it best… “The patterns on its wings are so intricate. We are both in awe. We knew it was going to turn into a butterfly, but to actually see the transformation is sooo awesome.” WHOO HOOO! Kinda like any daddy knowing his wife will deliver a baby, but actually experiencing it is sooo awesome! *sigh* And from a mama like me who loved being pregnant and loved the whole labour and birth thang, well, okay I can’t do that again lol, but this is just very cool!
Waiting, waiting, waiting….
P.S.: CP, I have not forgotten… I can’t believe you don’t have voice mail! Chat soon! ;o)
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Once a Scrapper…
By Karyn | May 13, 2008
I used to be a scrapper. No, I don’t mean scrapbooking. In highschool I was suspended 4 times, 3 of those times were for bopping someone square in the face. I was not to be messed with back then, and would pretty much take anyone on, but always for “good reason”. The first time was because a girl was relentlessly making fun of (and being cruel to) a kid who’s dad abandoned them. She said that no kid with a single parent turned out good. That was my breaking point. My dad had died 4 months earlier. So I punched her. Several times. She put a restraining order on me, and funny thing was that she was the cause of a subsequent suspension as well. I either learn the hard way or I don’t take any crap. It’s more like the latter come to think of it. Well, since then I’ve become a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a more mature person who can handle things with words… usually.
I was out gardening today when this mom parks across the street and lays on her horn (hard and loooong) about a dozen times, trying to get her kids’ attention. Her darling dears were playing at the park and probably pretending they didn’t know her. Smart kids. Unfortunately, idiotic noise and disturbing the peace simply out of sheer laziness really irks me. So about the 20th time she lays on the horn and screams her kids’ names, I called over a really novel idea ”why don’t you just go get your kids.” Well, you’d think I told her I had an affair with her husband, stole her job and called her fat! She gets out of the car, starts yelling and swearing and dares me to go over there for a fight! I’m just in utter shock at this mother, and I can’t believe she’s totally losing it infront of all these kids. So in an effort to: a) understand this bufoon & the situation b) compose myself, and c) gather enough time to come up with an appropriate response, I say, in a heightened-almost-pubescent pitch, ”excuse me?” Mrs Miriam Webster decides to repeat everything except this time she’s adding a string of nasty words that just gets my blood pumping, and she’s doing some fancy hand motions to boot! At this point I’m hoping she steps just one foot on my grass… or maybe I’m hoping she doesn’t cuz mama’s gonna go balistic and add a new definition to the term face-off!
It’s been a loooong time since someone’s pushed my buttons like that. Thank God she got back in her car. She will hopefully think about some of my ever-so-calm comments, like “I’m not going to fight you because I’m trying to set a good example for the kids. I respect people and try to get along with them.” I did handle everything just fine, but it’s my inside thoughts that sort of startled me. Face-off?! Yikes!
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If My House Could Talk
By Karyn | May 10, 2008
If my house could talk, it would tell you:
- that there is a For Sale sign out front. It’s been there for 16 days and counting… or something like that, I’m bad in math LOL!
- that those thumbtack holes are filled in with toothpaste.
- that some of the flowers gracing the rooms are fake. My mother is a florist. She’d die.
- that it was her mom who bought the artificial orchid for my bathroom.
- most of the junk is out in the garage… and please do not open the master bedroom closet! For your own safety I beg you!
- the caulking job in the basement was done by yours truly. And believe me, you do not want to know what is under it. Resist, dear one… resist.
- ultimately, my house is saying BUY ME!!! Well, to one family it is, anyhow. Where are they? The waiting is driving me nuts… but not nuts enough to clean out my closet yet…
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Five Classes I Wish They’d Taught in High School meme
By Karyn | May 10, 2008
Christine has tagged me with this meme, so here we go:
1. The Art of Coffee. Ya, you heard me. I can make an amazing cornish hen with raspberry glaze, the best cheesecake ever, but I don’t know how to make good coffee. Or rice for that matter. I love a good mocha or vanilla bean latte, man I wish I could make a mean coffee!
2. Mother-in-Laws 101. (Course pre-requisite: Choosing the Family-in-Law Before the Spouse) Now don’t get me wrong, I do not want 101 mothers-in-law, one is quite more than enough thank you very much! Mine is Greek. Ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Ya. That’s my life. She makes awesome food we must eat every time we visit. But ya, there’s 101 things to know prior to becoming her daughter in law!
3. How to Fight Effectively. True! I wish it was standard across the world! If everyone knew how to argue and stay within the rules then there would be less problems! No name calling, no raising of voices, don’t make personal attacks; not to mention the physical side of a good arguement! Can’t you just see bin Laden and Bush sitting on a comfy couch, facing each other, holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes? OK bad example. But the class still has merit!
4. Servanthood. (Formerly called: It’s Not All About You!) If we all served each other selflessly, man, what an amazing world it would be! If everyone knew the joy of giving to the poor, visiting the lonely, doing little anonymous things for others, making a difference in one life at a time, ah, that’s amore!
5. The Telemarketer. (Offered as a stand-alone class, or in conjunction with The Doorbell Ringers.) So sue me, I lied. I told the lady selling the paper that I was blind. I told another that I was only babysitting, she’d have to try again another day. I put a few of them on hold and just never came back. I told the pollster that my husband did all the shopping. I tell the long distance plan callers that we have unlimited free calls with no other cost associated… hey, if they can beat free then I’ll listen. Learning how to rid the world of unwanted phone calls ought to be right up there with world peace. They sorta go hand in hand.
Now, where is she…. yoo hoo! Dianna! Tag, you’re it!
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All Roads Lead to BC
By Karyn | May 9, 2008
I recently attempted to take my mother and grandmother to Banff, to see the Canadian Rockies up close and personal. Seeing as we live in Alberta, and well, Banff is in Alberta, it just sort of made sense.
mom: “Did you bring a map?”
me: snicker snicker “are you kidding? We’re taking the scenic route baby! From Jasper to Banff, sure it adds about an hour an a half to our trip, but it’s the Icefields! You haven’t LIVED till you’ve seen the Icefields!”
mom: “sooo, did you bring a map?”
me: “I don’t need a map. It’s one road. Through the Rockies.”
mom: “You need a map.”
me: “It’s touristy, there will be signs. Besides, it’s only ONE ROAD! No turns.” Then I beamed proudly “I googled it.”
Stares.
Blank stares that speak the mother-load of volumes.
When we were on empty, the only car on the entire road the entire distance, and saw that a gas station was 110 km away, we rejoiced. Then we nearly cried because… drum roll please… it was closed. When, driving on fumes we just barely rolled into a motel in the middle of nowhere, and asked the nice man where we were, we sort of (kind of) giggled when he said “You’re in beautiful British Columbia!” (insert wave to Jessica) When we backtracked through the horrible hell of all road signs being boarded up how the bleep to BC drivers drive anyway beautiful winding roads to the place where we went wrong, we determined that the nice man at the motel was right: all road signs were boarded up because of the pipeline. WHAT?! Ok ok, we saw workers trying to bury this massive pipeline under the ground, parallel to the road. Surely it was a top secret “underground” project involving precious oil and an attempt to fool people by making them think they don’t see it because they don’t know where the heck they are. Sure. Makes sense. Who needs signs? Hey, who needs speed limits? mwahaha… so we flew down the highway thanks to that pipeline, and left Beautiful BC behind.
When we were finally back on track after HOURS of driving, and about 15 minutes from Banff, we had to pull over before *someone* in the car peed their pants from laughing at the sign we faced… it said “Welcome to Beautiful British Columbia”… I do not understand how a 5 hour car drive turned into 11 hours, nor how we managed to hit BC not once, but twice. But knowing that someone’s bladder control was tested to the limits due to my wonderful wisdom of not packing a map, hey, it made it all worthwhile!
This, dear readers, is why most of the adventure on a trip happens en route, why the vacation starts the moment we get in the car. Getting there is more than half the fun! We did have a fantastic time. My grandmother beat me with her cane, we adopted a 20 year old guy named Shawn “with a w”, and we finally found ONE mountain that my grandmother thought was picture-worthy. “Take a picture of THAT one, it’s different!”
All in all, I have to admit that I am now in the market for a wonderful sweet huggable kissable and lickable GPS, probably a TomTom or a Garmin. It will be my baby and I will love it. I’m driving across Canada this summer and want to head east, not west to BC. Been there, done that, don’t wanna go back. Their road signs are horrible!
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